Rhonda Sider Edgington: The green-eyed monster: The unsexy emotions of jealousy and envy

EDITOR'S NOTE: The views and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not of Ottawa News Network.

I’m not sure there are emotions more commonly experienced among musicians, and less discussed, than envy and jealousy. In all my years of music study at a variety of institutions, with many teachers, I never heard them meaningfully addressed, and yet I suspect I’m not the only one who struggles with them.

Listening to concerts during the American Guild of Organists’ national convention this past summer in St. Louis, envy felt a bit like an old dreaded classmate who is always going to eventually find me, even as I try to avoid them. But then I remembered some wise counsel from fellow artists on the topic, and realized maybe avoidance wasn’t the right approach.

In a writing workshop I recently attended, the poet and teacher Eduardo C. Corral said that first, we need to recognize, admit and accept what we are feeling. In his telling, we do this as we are reading a poem and feeling jealous about the amazing writing. It’s natural to feel envy towards a colleague or friend who has achieved something we wish we could, or some measure of success that we would like.

Next, he said, we give thanks that such beautiful writing exists in the world – that we can read it, learn from it, and teach it. What a gracious move. As I think about the world of performers, I realize it’s not so different for us. If I hear a concert that is ecstatically received by an audience, sometimes I can feel dismissive (sour grapes), but instead I could be grateful that this performer is bringing their unique gifts, raising awareness of our instrument in the greater world, and performing so well.

I don’t know if the performing world is like a pie, so if one organist gets more attention, that means less for me, but I’d rather believe in abundance than scarcity. When one person in the organ world is thriving, we could picture that bringing more energy and life to our whole profession. It’s like a natural ecosystem, and when the river is healthy, it’s good for all the creatures. Unless some organists are predators and are taking their rivals out like hitmen (a new Netflix series!?), when the wildflowers are flourishing, we all thrive.

Wouldn’t you rather be grateful than petty? I could be envious that Wesley Hall has thousands of followers on TikTok with his organ posts, or I could observe, "He’s winning so many new admirers for the organ, and his posts are so clever and funny. Even if an Anna Lapwood concert wasn’t my cup of tea, I could still think, Thousands of young people showing up to hear her? That’s amazing." If I’m honest with myself, I’m not cut out to do what either does, and they have gifts in areas where I don’t, so why not cheer them on?

The Canadian actor Sandra Oh explained in an interview in the Guardian that a good friend taught her we can be proud of a friend for achieving something we believe they deserve, while still feeling jealous. Have you ever listened to a friend tell you about an opportunity, position or prize they’ve won, and felt terrible because you couldn’t stop thinking that you would love to be doing that thing, or tried to pretend to yourself that you weren’t actually jealous? After she won an important role, Oh’s friend hugged her, saying, “I’m so happy for you. And so jealous. And so happy for you.” It’s just that simple — we can feel both things at once.

Eduardo told his students that the final step as writers, after we’ve read a line, image, or poem that we love, is to “steal from it”! He meant that after we’ve understood a brilliant idea, we can use it in our work. For musicians, there are lots of ways we can “steal” from the performers we admire. Maybe we “steal” their sense of confidence in front of an audience. Or their palpable joy in performing. Or we could be inspired to steal their graceful pedal technique, or relaxed hand position. All of these would take work to incorporate into our own playing and lives, but any of them could be pretty motivating.

I suspect that hidden inside the uncomfortable feelings of envy or jealousy could be a nudge towards something we’d like to be doing ourselves, but are scared to try, or believe we can’t.

Maybe you’ve had a mentor who spoke with you as honestly and helpfully about envy and jealousy as Eduardo and Oh did. But I wonder what would happen if, instead of trying to suppress those feelings, we could accept and learn from them. Your jealousy and envy might have lessons to teach you.

— Rhonda Sider Edgington is the Organist and Music Director at Hope Church in Holland, teaches organ at Calvin University and Aquinas College in Grand Rapids, and as a soloist and with duo Thunder & Wind (with Carolyn Koebel, percussion) travels to play concerts around West Michigan and throughout the country. Find more of her writings on music at rhondasideredgington.substack.com.

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