Bill Dalton: The slush fund
Columnist Bill Dalton writes that he suspects the plan behind Project 2025 was to enrich Trump and his supporters.
EDITOR'S NOTE: The views and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not of Ottawa News Network.
(Scene: News conference outside the Treasury Department with music blaring — “Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free.”)
Donald Trump: Don’t you just love Men at Work? That’s the Republican Party's new theme song. Money for nothin’! Beats Making America Great Again, right?
ABC News reporter: Mr. President! Now that you have a secret $1.8 billion slush fund of taxpayer money, how do you intend to spend it? And by the way, that song is by Dire Straits, which is what this country is in right now.
Trump: That’s for me to know and you to find out. And this is just the first "anti-weaponization" slush fund. See the Treasury Department? We’re printing more money as I speak. Who wants some?
NBC News reporter: Excuse me, Mr. President, but you can’t just print money and give it away.
Trump: Who's going to stop me? Congress? I can afford to make anyone go away!
FOX News reporter: I want some!
Trump: You Fox guys should be paying me. Without me, your audience would be watching “Leave it to Beaver” reruns.
NPR reporter: We could use a few bucks. It’s difficult informing the American people about their government’s shenanigans on a shoestring.
Trump: Boohoo! Tell someone who cares, maybe those commies at The New York Times.
New York Times reporter: Pardon me, but giving away taxpayer money sounds a lot like socialism, don’t you think?
Trump: You know I don’t think, I just do. That’s why gasoline is $5 a gallon. But it isn’t socialism because we’re not giving money to poor people.
Politico reporter: So, who's getting the money?
Trump: Just my friends and supporters and Jan. 6 liberators and — oops — pretend I never said that, it’s classified. Is it too late to say off the record?
Politico reporter: So, what about your family? Are they getting any?
Trump: You know as well as I that’s prohibited. So of course we’re getting some, you just won’t know because it’s — wait for it — SECRET!
Washington Post reporter: As part of the Justice Department’s deal, the IRS also promised to end their audits and never pursue any tax claims against you, your family or your businesses for eternity. Excuse my blunt language, but what the [BLEEPED]?
Trump: Is this a great country or what? Now I can cheat on my taxes, and nothing happens to me — unlike you. I love this country! And all you voters who supported me, who I'm sure want a refund. Well, get in line!
FOX News reporter: Back to the free money. Why can’t Fox get some? You can print more. Or borrow it from the Chinese.
Trump: Actually, we’re paying China everything we owe with what is now the new U.S. currency I'm calling Trump Dollars. Bye-bye, George Washington. Hello, Trump Dollars. Hear those printing presses behind me? That’s the sound of me making money, baby. Money for nothin'!
CBS News reporter: But what about the free chicks?
Trump: That was Epstein’s thing; I don't know anything about that. Now, who wants free taxpayer money? You a Proud Boy? Oath Keeper? ICE agent? Take a number!
Bill Dalton, retired reporter: So, that was Project 2025’s plan all along? To bankrupt America, and you end up with all the money?
Trump: Wow, finally someone figured it out. What took you so long?
— Bill Dalton is a former reporter and editor for The Kansas City Star and worked for several Michigan newspapers. He spends summers on the family farm near Fennville. His novel “The Bank Game” — a crime thriller — is available from Amazon along with “Dalton’s Bend.”
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